~Silent Night~
~Holy Night~
I liked playing this song. My mom always played this even though it’s not Christmas, and while it always gave me the chills, I’ve never felt so warm.
Tonight was just like the other nights: I sat on my bed near the window, waiting for my dad to arrive. He was always late these past few days, but we never got to know why. I think mom didn’t even have time to sleep because she was always waiting for him, and until then she always put me to sleep. Not tonight, though. Mom thought she did, but that’s all it ever was.
For what it’s worth, I did try to shut my eyes, but sleep wouldn’t come. Not tonight.
“Shut up bitch!”
A voice echoed from downstairs, a foreign sound that never sounded so familiar. It was Dad’s voice. It was the first time I’d ever heard him shout like that, and for a moment I almost paused the music, ready to rush downstairs to see what was wrong.
There was the sound of glass shattering, and my mind went blank. I got up from bed and rushed towards the sound.
~All is calm~
~All is bright~
“I’ve already told you many times, Carl! Stop that vices of yours!”
I took a peek from behind the vase I was hiding in and saw my mom holding the collar of my father’s shirt. I can see from my mother’s face that she had enough. She was trying to stop herself from bursting into tears.
“Don’t tell me what to do, Layla!”
My dad flicked my mom’s hand off his collar, his hands finding its way to her neck. Immediately the grip tightened, and my mom’s eyes widened as the grip got tighter, tighter and tighter.
She gasped for air.
She met my eyes, saw me looking at her from where I hid, and I knew what I had to do.
~Round yon virgin~
~Mother and child~
“Stop it Dad!”
I shouted as loud as I could, not minding the crack in my voice, halfway to where my mom and dad are.
‘So this was the reason why my mom always feels so weary. This was the reason why my mom always puts me to sleep first. So this was the reason why my mom never wanted me to wait for dad with her!’
Tears streamed down my face as realization sank in, coming in full-force like a tidal wave – as strong as my dad while he threw my mom on the floor and started walking in my direction.
‘Stop.’
‘Don’t come near me.’
‘Mom.’
‘Help.’
‘I’m scared.’
~Holy infant so tender and mild~
“Carl! Don’t you dare involve Clay here!”
Somewhere, mom kept shouting my name as she struggled to get up.
I stood there, facing my dad, bracing as his hands made their way to my face and my head hit the floor.
Everything faded in black.
~Sleep in heavenly peace~
~Sleep in heavenly peace–
“Hey! Do you want to die!?”
A sudden horn jolted me back to reality – that, and the panicked voice of a certain bus driver – and that was when I realized I was standing in the middle of the road, dazed for who knows how long.
It was the first day of school and I’ve almost gotten myself killed – ha, I knew it wasn’t an exaggeration that schools were dangerous.
I would actually rather die that go into one – especially on days like this – but my grandmother would never let me live it down, and I even promised to repay her after all the times she took care of me. Okay, so maybe we get new rooms, new things, new teachers – even new classmates I think. So what. All I have to do is survive the year, and maybe I could finally leave.
I was about to take further step when suddenly–
*Boogsh!*
“Ouch!”
Both voices said in unison, mine included. I looked at the girl I bumped with. She was gasping for air like there’s no tomorrow and she look very weary because she was running a while ago, I think.
“Uhm, you okay?”
I asked. She looked up and nodded. She looked kind of happy, so I guess she’s not hurt.
Then she suddenly glanced at her back, her eyes widening, almost as if she saw a ghost.
“Waahhh! He’s coming!”
She quickly stood up to brush the debris from her clothes and paused for a minute to look at me.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to bump at you.”
She said then patted my shoulder and headed back to running again.
I took a glance to where she was looking a while ago to know who was chasing her but there wasn’t someone else running after her.
‘Weird.’
I decided to stand up to brush the debris off my shirt. Then I continued what I kept on delaying which is my ‘walk to school.’
So, there’s only one road left to cross and then there’s our school. But in heaven’s sake, I was about to cross the road when the stoplight turned red, so another delay, yey.
I waited for the green to light, when I heard footsteps running pass me.
‘That weird girl.’
She was about to cross the road when I suddenly grabbed her towards me. We both fell down and she was on top of me.
“Are you stupid or what!? Didn’t you see that the lights red!?”
I shouted at her. She scares out of me, the bus was about to hit her.
“Uhm sorry. But it’s okay, I’m an Angel, nothing can harm me.”
She said cheerfully, not minding she was about to be hit by a bus.
“But thank you Mister!”
She immediately stood up and started running again. I was about to shout at her, to wait for the change of signs, but when I looked at the stoplight, it was already green.
I immediately stood up because I’m running really late, and I’ve already wasted lot of time.
Stupid life.
———————————————————————————–
“Mom! I want to go there!”
I shouted at mom as I run towards the playground. I immediately entered the playground and saw my mom paying for my entrance.
“Clay, I’ll just stay here outside. Just enjoy playing there.” My mom said, before she sat down at one of the benches outside.
When I fully removed my shoes, I went to the kids who are sitting in front of an old lady. They were listening to a story.
“One day, in a faraway kingdom…”
The old lady paused for a moment and looked at me–
“Clay, continue.”
I was back to reality when Sir Paul called my name. Then I realized we were doing something about his subject.
“And the day has come, when they all grew up and gained more knowledge about how they were friends, not just friends, but more than that.”
I said. So what we were basically doing is that we need to continue the story. What we were doing helps us tests our minds to think of a situation in a short period of time.
“Okay, freeze. Hosenilla.” Sir Paul said then again he continued shuffling our index cards.
“But because they couldn’t endure the thought of being friends. Francis searched for someone else.”
Everyone shouted. Even I wanted to join them, but I don’t quite like to express that much.
“Freeze. Samillano.”
“Now, Zack went to mall. He bought an icecream in DQ. While walking, he bumps to a guy.”
Again everyone shouted. There are some that asked who might that guy be. And for everyone’s information. The story was about a love between a guy and a guy, that’s why they are enjoying to finish the story.
“Freeze. Trinidad.”
“And the one he bumps to was Paolo. To which he was also broken hearted, because he was left by the one he loves, which is Erika.”
So again they shouted because they again ship Zack to a guy.
“Freeze. Digma.”
“Even though Zack still love Francis, he then tried to give that love to Paolo.”
Then everyone shouted ‘Rebound!’
“Freeze–
*Beeepp!*
All of us went silent because the phone of the room rang. I heard someone whispered, ‘Hello banker’ and other words that you can get from ‘Deal or no deal.’
When Sir Paul finished talking to the phone, a sudden knocked came from the door. Sir Paul let the person outside to come in.
‘She’s the weird girl I bumped earlier’
And she’s even weirder now. She’s wearing long sleeve and jogging pants. Maybe her uniform was not yet given to her. She went in front because Sir Paul told her to introduce herself.
“Hi! I’m Dabria! Nice to meet you!”
She said cheerfully.
“If you want to ask her something, ask her now.”
Sir Paul said.
“Where do you came from, Ms.?” Asked Phil. So everyone started to shout. Phil is known to be a playboy, that’s why from the shout you might be able to hear them say words like ‘eut’ and such.
“Uhm, I came from heaven, that’s why you might notice, I look like an Angel!”
She answered cheerfully while laughing. That’s what she told me too, when we bump into each other two months ago.
“Uhm sorry. But it’s okay, I’m an Angel, nothing can harm myself.”
She said cheerfully, not minding she was about to be hit by a bus.
Nahh, I guess there’s no hidden meaning to that. She looks as if joking anyway.
———————————————————————————–
“What do you think you’re doing, Clay!?”
My mom shouted as she grabbed the blade out of my hand. I have been bullied at school because of the thought our father left us.
“I don’t want to live anymore, Mom.”
I said as I cried in pain.
“Stop saying such foolish things, son! You still got lots of things to do here don’t you dare do that again!”
My mom said, warning me as she hugged me tight–
“Hoy, Clay!” Dabria shouted as she grabbed the blade out of my hand. I looked at her with glaring eyes.
“What do you think you’re doing!?”
I asked angrily.
‘Why do this girl keep on appearing every time I tried harming myself?’
She keeps on meddling in other people’s business. Like what she did to Phil. She made Phil realize some things, and I don’t know how she did that, that’s why now, Phil is having a serious relationship with Cassey. News to everyone I think.
Even Lourdilyn who’s kind of introverted like me, change. She now has friends to talk with even if they’re only two. And some of us is trying to talk to her, I don’t know, it’s that Dabria’s fault why our classrooms atmosphere change.
For this past month, all she did was to meddle on our classmate’s life. She’s full of energy that I can’t catch up with.
“I should be the one asking you that!?”
She shouted while smiling.
‘Ugh! I don’t know if what she’s saying is serious or not. What the F’s with that smile anyway!?’
“Mind your own business will you!?”
I shouted as I lose my composure. What I hate most are people who meddle in my life.
“But, this is my business. I need to help everyone cause I’m an Angel–”
“Will you stop that crazy fantasies of yours! I’ve had enough! You keep on saying Angel this, Angel that. You’re not an Angel! You never even ones become serious while saying that. So don’t use Angels as if they’re just merely words with no meaning!”
Uh-oh, I think I went overboard. She kind of about to cry. Maybe I should apologize. I kind of didn’t really mean what I’ve said. She raised her head and looked at me.
“But Angels are loved.”
She said as she continues on smiling. Then she turned around and gracefully continued talking.
“They’re pure, strong and they’re closer to God. That’s why I wanted to be one.”
She’s too naive. She might look like an angel if she’s wearing a white dress but the fact that she’s wearing a long sleeve and jogging pants makes me want to laugh.
I saw her turned around and looked at me with confusing eyes.
“Hey, what’s that smirk on your face?”
She asked innocently.
‘I may be angry at her for meddling to my life too much, but I think I like it that way. I like it that way.’
‘I think I like her that way.’
“Nothing.”
I said as I walk back to the stairs, based on the time I went here, and the time that we used in chatting, classes are about to start.
“Ya! Don’t leave me hanging here, I need an answer!”
She shouted. She’s cute.
She may be an Angel, but I don’t want her to be one.
———————————————————————————-
“What are you looking for, Mom?”
I asked mom as she was searching something in her bag.
“I wanted to go home, Son. But I can’t bring you with me.”
My mom said as her tears started to roll down her cheeks.
“It’s okay mom, I’m strong enough to take care of myself.”
I said that made my Mom cry even more.
“Mom, don’t cry. I don’t want you to be sad. Please, if going home is the one thing that will make you happy, I won’t stop you, even if you leave me, I can take care of myself.”
I said as I try to hold my tears back. My mom just hugged me that’s when my tears started to fall down–
“Hey Clay! Where’s Dabria!?” Asked Zack. He’s somewhat best friend with that weirdo – I mean, everyone in the classroom.
It’s been two months when Dabria left without saying anything. It’s just that, one day, she suddenly disappeared.
“Why are you asking me?”
I asked.
“Of course! Ha, who do you think should I ask then? You’re the only one Dabria talked with the most for this past few months.”
He said, emphasizing the words ‘For this past few months.’ That made me feel awkward.
“Oh! His face turned red! Guys look! OMG! Ahahaha, Clay is in love with our little Angel.”
Then everyone turned their gazes towards me and with some mischievous smile plastered on their faces.
“No I’m not. Stop making stories you faggot!”
I shouted as I leave the room.
Later that night, I was doing some homework that was given to us by our teacher in Personal Development when a sudden knock at my window interrupted me.
I went to my window and opened it to my surprise that it was Dabria. I don’t know why but I couldn’t stop myself from hugging her. Well, if she was surprised, so am I.
“Hey! Ahahah, you miss me that much!”
She said while smiling, as usual.
“No I’m not. It’s a hug our classmates wanted to give you. I just did it for them.”
But she just looked at me with ‘not so convincing look.’ Then her facial expression changed when she remembered what she came here for.
“Oh, that’s right. It’s just quick chat because I might be left behind. So, I came here, to thank you for the moments I’ve shared with you, because I calculated, for the past 6 months, I spend mostly my time with you. And I’m happy because you’re the reason why even for that short period of time, I felt loved. Not only you, but the others too. Thank you.”
She said while smiling the usual. Because of what she said, I got the urge to tell her what I really feel. So, here it goes.
“Then, I should thank you too, cause if it weren’t for you, I might be dead by now. You’re the reason why my life has come to live. You changed me Dabria, and I hope that you’ll still change me. And because of that I like you. I like you Dabria.”
I said without maintaining eye contact. ‘I don’t want to look at her eyes. I might turn red again. But as I look through my peripheral vision, I saw her eyes looked a little bit…sad.
“I’m sorry. I wanted to return that feelings you have for me, but I can’t, I’m about to go home and I’ve been delaying myself for months. That’s why I’m sorry if I can’t like you back, even if I wanted to.”
She said while smiling half-heartedly. She breaths for air and shout, then slap her face two times as if waking herself from a dream.
“I guess I have to go now; I’m running really late.”
She was about to leave through the window again. Another weird thing she had done. But there’s one thing I wanted to ask her.
“Where are you going?”
She smiled and said.
“Home.”
———————————————————————————-
I went to school the next morning and only to find out that everyone of us had received a white feather. Thinking about who the culprit is, it’s none other than that weird girl pretending to be an angel.
It’s kind of lonely now that she had left school, I guess I miss her more than anyone else misses her here.
“Ugh! What do Dabria think she’s doing, huh!? She left without saying a word to us. Even a short ‘bye.’”
Nina said. One of her closest here. I smiled a bit knowing the fact that Dabria tell her goodbyes to me. I kind of felt butterflies in my tummy.
*Beeepp!*
Silence enveloped the room when the phone rang once again. There’s no teacher to answer that phone so our class representative answered it.
Based on what I can see from her expression; it must be a shocking news. When she finished talking, she was about to cry. This might not be good.
“D-Dabria c-commit-ted s-sui-c-cide.”
Then tears started to rushed down my cheeks. I ran and ran and leaded me to the rooftop where she always stops me from harming myself. Then all memories about her with me flashed back.
“Uhm sorry. But it’s okay, I’m an Angel, nothing can harm me.”
…
“Uhm, I came from heaven, that’s why you might notice, I look like an Angel!”
…
“They’re pure, strong and they’re closer to God. That’s why I wanted to be one.”
…
“I’m sorry. I wanted to return that feelings you have for me, but I can’t, I’m about to go home and I’ve been delaying myself for months. That’s why I’m sorry if I can’t like you back, even if I wanted to.”
“What kind of problem do you have to kill yourself!? You always smile, you always laugh, you always interrupt every problem we have. Why did you do that to yourself? You always stop me from harming myself then you’re the one doing that to yourself?”
I shouted in pain, but I guess she wouldn’t be able to hear those words anymore. As I cry and cry, memories of the past came back to me as if they we’re new.
“Clay, remember, only Angels harm themselves, because they don’t like life on earth, they wanted to escape and try to return to heaven, which they call home. Angels are too sensitive to the pain of others and their own, that’s why they couldn’t stop harming themselves.”
Those were the last words that my mom told me before she left. That’s why Dabria was always wearing long sleeve and jogging pants, to hide her marks.
I guess she became an Angel just like mom.
Should I become one?
Monkey_Gori 